In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize