I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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