remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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