hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
