Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
