there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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