Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
