I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
