i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
