I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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