who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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