If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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