is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
