he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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