We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
