Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
