How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
