He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
