In the future we'll all be gay
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
