NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
