A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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