Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The air was thick with penises
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
