Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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