i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
