Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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