he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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