remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
