I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
There's even glitter on my cock...
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