she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
