I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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