you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
