Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
