I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
