Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
