dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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