every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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