Please, let me fuck your mom
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
