Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize