I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize