Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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