So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We are two peas in an std pod
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
