So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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