dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
so much tequila, so little girl.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
