A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
