this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
