I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
