well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
