stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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