Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it's like iHOP with fire
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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