Heybabeimwearingurpanties
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
