I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she told me i tasted like america
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
