Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We're too hungover to prance.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
