Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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