You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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