can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
someone owes me an orgasm
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
