my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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