dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
