We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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