nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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