i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
