Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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